Is Belly Gonna Get Me?

I weighed myself today and I have lost NO WEIGHT in the last 7 days.

NOT ONE FUKIN POUND.

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I had my surgery on the 21st April 2017 so that makes me 4.5 months post op. I feel this is a little early to just stop losing weight, no?

Is this ‘THE STALL’ I hear people refer to or is this just a bad week? HOW DO I KNOW?

I’ve been lax on the gym front this week thanks to 29847489384674830905058 viewings on my flat cutting into gym time but I’m PUMPED now to get back into my routine as I fear missing even only a few sessions has now collapsed my whole weight loss system and I am likely to explode into a huge ball of fat by Sunday.

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Tell me this isn’t so? Tell me this is just a bad week?

I talked myself out of cutting my excess fat off with some gardening shears this morning in the panic my slimming run was all over.

I joke, I joke. As if I own any fuckin gardening shears. I barely own a razor.

Like, what if this is it? What if by rule I was unable to lose any more weight? Would I be happy now? Would I be satisfied?

I weigh up the pros and cons

PRO – I am for the first time since birth a UK size 16 – come hit me up on Instagram to see the evidence you fuckin bbz @lillibee

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CON – My jelly belly still dominates my life

PRO – I feel less like I’m about to keel over and die

CON – My jelly belly still dominates my life

PRO – I think I’m going to live past 43 years old.

CON – My jelly belly still dominates my life

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Okay so you get le’jist?

So, I guess in a nutshell, yes, I could be happy now. I am happy now.

Of course I am highly dramatic and appreciate in reality is has only been a week but I feel it’s good to mentally prepare yourself for all eventualities, right?

2stone 12lbs is all I have left to lose to be GOAL SMASHED HAPPY. It’s so fuckin close bro.

I’m going to ramp up the efforts from now on. I was never sure I could ramp up the efforts considering how little I eat but it’s time to go all out.  PS… loving the word RAMP.

I’ve binned off all breakfast alternatives for strictly Protein Shake goodness, invested in a bulk buy from My Protein with treats such as Protein Pancakes, BCAA and Impact Diet Whey as well as a host of protein packed goody treats from Eat Natural. Which are LUSH BTW.

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Even Flearoy aka Leigh my long suffering beaut of a fiancé (of 1 year this week a thank yor) is all over getting on this ultimate health kick with me.

He blates loving our new sex life too, I reckon that is his motivation behind keeping our belly’s bound. GWARN LAD.

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‘Cock Blocked By My Own Belly’ Worst Confession Ever? YAS.

I promise I won’t bore you this week with my never ending acid woes bar the one very quick update that they are now referring me for potential Gall Bladder dramz. Fuck it, if it is my Gall Bladder causing so much beef they can just whip the fucker out and have done with it, right?

I’m like 100% chill about this. Let’s move on.

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In other news I darted over the 7 stone LOST mile stone and have now exactly 2stone 13lbs left to lose to hit my target weight.

By Christmas (IF) I continue the way I have so far I should be bang on time to recreate the Mean Girls classic hit ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ in my soon to be purchased ‘Slutty Santa’ outfit.

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If all does not go to plan and instead I decide to blend up 294632032936749030 selection boxes and nail it in pints as opposed to my trusty Slender Blend I shall follow my option 2 route straight to Primark for a big fat Santa Onesy and spend the festive holidays with my belly hanging out like Waynetta Slob.

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In fairness neither of these two options sound up my street but it’s nice to have goals, gets me?

Speaking of goals, well more of a Bulls Eye target really… How much better is sex when your belly is out of the way? Legit man. I had no idea for so long I was being cock blocked by my own jelly.

Yes, I am aware this is ‘TMI’ but for all you post op readers out there, don’t pretend you haven’t been thinking the exact same thing as me you animals.

 

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On a more wholesome note, can someone please for the love of god tell me when I’m going to be able to shit again like a real person? I’m guessing it’s not OK to still rely on Laxatives once a week before I start walking like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Something’s got to give man, the struggle is very very real.

As always the positives out way the negatives. Yes my glasses are now far too big for my face but the silver lining is that I now have an excuse to buy new ones.

Yes my hair is still falling out but on a plus side it means Leigh doesn’t peck my head when I drop £160 at the hairdressers instead of free styling my head off at home like a boss man.

Yes I can never pooh but on the plus side I NEVER POOH.

Like, ever.

 

 

 

 

 

A&E = Acid & Excrement, In My Case.

So lots of fun things have been happening this last week.

Spent an ultimate LOL night at the hospital thanks to this acid reflux business that now seems ever present in my day to day life.

Normally an attack will last approximately 20 minutes. I pace around, guzzle Lansoprazole with Gaviscon and maybe stew in a hot bath for an hour or so whilst my muscles start to relax.

NORMALLY.

This time was a right hoot, 4 solid hours of torment. Pure agony. Now, I pride myself on having a pretty solid pain threshold. I once fell out of a shower cubicle and broke my leg before managing to get a flight from Switzerland dragging my club foot along for the ride. IM SO HARD.

But this, this was bull shit man. I tried to walk the pain off and almost fainted outside my flat before vomiting multiples times. And yes, Gaviscon does taste worse coming up than it does going down.

In A&E I was pushed through quite quickly which confirmed my initial thoughts, I was about to die.

FAREWELL CRUEL WORLD.

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I had bloods taken, piss samples taken, pooh samples taken, abdominal x-rays, chest x-rays and an ECG for good measure.

I spent the foreseeable on a drip of meds to dull the pain and keep me alive. Slight Exaggeration.

After being told, in layman’s terms that there is not set cure, only prevention I am now banned from Caffeine and a multitude of other lifelong fave’s to keep the acid at bay.

Does this technique of cutting out every bit of happiness from my life work? Not always.

A cracker sent me to hell and back the other day. A fucking lowlife cracker.

Aside from that fresh hell I’m 2 lbs off a 7 Stone weight loss. I’m happy with that. Dead happy.

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I’m happy my skin is not dripping off like water. Happy my tits don’t touch my legs when I sit down. Happy I’m not bald. Happy I’m healthier. Happy I’m not dead via internal Acid Gang warfare.

Things could be worse.

I’ve bought my first 10kg Kettlebell this week and I feel like I potentially could be in the next series of Gladiators and of course after much deliberation I have decided my gladiator name would be…. Lathargica.

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Maybe that’s because it’s Monday and I’m tired but it’d a fo’sho front runner so thus far.

Laters. x